Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Let's paint friendship bongs
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
