I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
