i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And then my night got REAL pukey
Randomize
