I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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