Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
