if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
