She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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