so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
