We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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