Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
