How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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