I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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