I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
