I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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