how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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