really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
