Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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