even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
