Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
