If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
