I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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