whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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