You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!