well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.