I'm fucking your sister right now.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants