you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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