My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
