AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
