someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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