I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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