i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
