Me too!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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