also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
