I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
