Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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