Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize