On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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