You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
