I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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