I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
