I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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