So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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