You don't have asthma, your pregnant
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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