she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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