are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
