It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
