sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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