It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
