it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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