Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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