see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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