So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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