can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Nicole vs. Life
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
