dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
