If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yo dont text me then not text me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
