I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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