Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
