i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
