You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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