I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
