so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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