just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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