I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
