Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
