yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize