I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
