im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize
