I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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