My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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