I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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