Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
