i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
