Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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