My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
