Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
