Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
