Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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