Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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