it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
