We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
