Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize