During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
