We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
