overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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