I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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