...so i touched it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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