im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
