dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
